These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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