Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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