Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
