I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
