At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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