just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He has the fingertips of a God
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