I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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