I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
