Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
