i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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