I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
