I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
