I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
