Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he thought i was a dude.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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