she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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