So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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