Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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