Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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