Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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