I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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