thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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