Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
