I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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