A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
