I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you win again, gameday.
I just found puke in my bra..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
