He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i came on her dog
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
