Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
