It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
