If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
