the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
