Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
