I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
