yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
