the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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