he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
