wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
