This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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