If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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