She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I intend to get homeless drunk
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
