Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Found the puke drawer
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
