we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
