i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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