i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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