one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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