I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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