i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i believe in u and ur pee
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize