im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
