apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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