have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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