Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
