Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
