What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is Oprah even human
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
