just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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