What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
