fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
