my mouth tastes like poor choices
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
