I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
