If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Drake has all the answers
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
