the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
