he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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