Your face is a jimmy john
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
