She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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