He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
